Meet a Mama – Justine’s Story

Pregnancy

My husband had wanted a baby for five years, but I didn’t feel ready yet. When I turned 31 last year, I realized I would probably never feel completely prepared, and I didn’t want time to slip away. We started trying for a baby and fell pregnant within a few months.

My pregnancy was classified as high risk due to some medications I couldn’t stop taking. My baby was always very small for his age, measuring below the 3rd percentile in size, but otherwise healthy. At 16 weeks, I needed an amniocentesis to check on the baby, and all results came back clear.

At 35 weeks and 5 days, I had a routine antenatal appointment. I had noticed very slight reduced fetal movements over the last two days, so I mentioned this to the midwife. They sent me upstairs in the hospital for CTG monitoring. The first round was abnormal, the second round normal. The hospital then contacted the specialist hospital where I typically received my ultrasounds, and they offered me two options: go home or stay overnight for monitoring.

Birth

Given that I lived at least forty minutes from both hospitals, I opted to stay for monitoring. It was a fortunate decision. My baby was born via emergency cesarean section at 2 am the next morning (at 35 weeks and 6 days) due to abnormal CTG results. He weighed 1.55kg at birth and spent a week and a half in the NICU before being transferred to the special care nursery. In total, he was in the hospital for sixteen days.

"I love being a mum even more than I thought I would."

Early motherhood

I tried my hardest to get my milk in, but I was so exhausted from the surgery that pumping and manual stimulation every three hours became overwhelming. I kept falling asleep while trying to do it. I was extremely upset, and the estrogen drop after birth made me very teary. I was not in a good place mentally.

I saw three different lactation consultants, and each one emphasized that my mental health was more important than trying to get milk. Although I have always believed that “fed is best,” I was still so ashamed of myself for not being able to pump or manually stimulate every three hours. I felt incredibly guilty that I couldn’t breastfeed my baby, but as my hormones settled I started feeling much better.