Remember those spontaneous road trips and last-minute dinner plans with your besties?
Me neither.
The arrival of a baby – or two, or three! – can also mean that your social calendar suddenly operates around nap schedules, mealtimes, and the sometimes-unpredictable mood of your little one! (Not just me?!)
I found myself cancelling on friends so often, particularly in those first months, that I started wondering if I’d ever have a social life again. The conversation usually went something like this:
“So sorry, can we push back an hour? The baby just fell asleep.” And, “Can we meet at my place instead? I’ve got all the baby stuff here.” Or, “Mind if I bring the little one? My partner’s working and I couldn’t find a babysitter.”
Sound familiar? 😅
The reality is that friendships do change after becoming a mum – and that’s completely normal. But that doesn’t mean that they have to disappear altogether!
Finding mum friends who ‘get it’ can make all the difference during this life-stage
Here are some ways I’ve found to nurture those important friendships during motherhood:
- Being honest about my new reality – Real friends will understand that you can’t do 9pm dinner reservations anymore
- Adjusting expectations – A 20-minute phone call or a cuppa over Facetime might be more realistic than a full day shopping trip
- Inviting friends into my world – Some of my best catchups and funniest conversations have been with friends at my place, while we hang out a load of washing, or prepare dinner
- Prioritising friendships that matter most – While it may sound harsh, it’s quality over quantity now. Share your time with those who fill your cup and lighten your mental load.
- Finding mum friends who “get it” – Sometimes the easiest people to see are those in the same boat as you. Having a shoulder to lean on or someone you can vent to can make all the difference. And the silver lining? Motherhood is a time when we can make some new friendships that stick for life.
What I’ve discovered is that becoming a mum doesn’t just change your friendships – it reveals which ones are right for you, right now.
And those friends who stick around, who understand when you text at 5am because you’ve been up all night, who don’t mind if you show up with baby food on your shirt? They’re the keepers.
COPE has some great information about the kinds of support that family or friends could offer you during this life stage. This may give you some ideas on how you can maintain friendships during motherhood too.
I’d love to hear your friendship-after-baby experiences. Let us know in the comments!
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