How to ask for help as a new mum

The sentiment, “It takes a village” when it comes to raising kids? It is so true.

But asking knowing how to ask for help as a new mum can feel so hard.

If you’re anything like me, maybe you’re worried about feeling like a burden, or you put too much pressure on yourself to “do it all”. Maybe you’re unsure who you should ask – or how to even broach the conversation.

Help!

If any of that resonates, this is your gentle reminder: Asking for support as a new parent is okay.

How to make asking for help feel easier

First things first… if asking for help makes you feel uncomfortable, here are some simple things to do that can help make asking for help easier:

Reframe your mindset. Instead of viewing asking for help as a weakness or imposition, view it as a strength. It takes courage and self-awareness to recognise when you need support!
Start small. Asking for help with small things can strengthen your “asking muscle” over time. Ask a friend to pick up a couple of things at the supermarket for you, or ask your partner to take over cooking dinner one night (if you usually cook), for example.
Be as specific as you can. Do you need an extra set of hands at home, someone to do school pickup, or someone to just sit and listen to you vent for 5 minutes (without necessarily needing to offer a solution)?
Express gratitude. When someone does help you out, let them know how much you appreciate it. This way, you’ll make them feel valued, and in turn, you’ll feel good about the exchange.
Pay it forward. Asking for help can feel easier when you pay it forward. Knowing first-hand how good it feels to help others will help you see that asking for help isn’t quite the burden you’re worried that it may be.

Asking for help can feel easier when you pay it forward.

Where you can seek help

Once you get over that mental hurdle of asking for help, the next part is knowing where you can turn to for help.

Family & Friends. Calling on friends and family nearby is an obvious place to start. But even if loved ones live far away, they can provide moral support via texts/calls, or give you a hand when they are nearby, or even help with virtual ‘story time’ so you can catch your breath, even for a few moments.
Community. Connect with a new mums’ group online or in person, or attend parent meet-ups or relevant community events (there are always great things for young children happening at local libraries).
Online Resources. There are so many great sites with tips, forums, hotlines and more. If you or someone you know is struggling to cope right now, it could also be worth visiting:
- PANDA (Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia) panda.org.au
- Tresillian tresillian.org.au
- eCOPE Directory ecope.org.au

And for Dads:

- Dads Group www.dadsgroup.org
- Support for Fathers supportforfathers.com.au

What to say when you need to ask for help

Knowing how to ask for help as a new mum, or exactly what you might say can ensure you receive the help you need. You might say:

“Can you please…” (i.e. watch the baby so I can have a shower/ have lunch/ have a nap!)
“I’m having a rough day/week. Would you be able to…”
“Your help with _____ would mean so much to me right now.”
“Do you have a spare 30/60/90 minutes this week to…”

Knowing how to ask for help can ensure you receive the help you need.

Pay it forward

And if you’re still not feeling entirely confident about how to ask for help as a new mum, you might like to start by offering help to others (if you have the energy, time and space to offer that right now) so you can feel a little more comfortable about asking for theirs’ or others’ support in return, later.

Here are some things you can ask that will help you pay it forward –

“How can I best support you right now?”
“What kinds of things would make your life easier as a new parent?”
“I’m here for you. Don’t hesitate to loop me in if you need…”
“Can I bring you a meal, run an errand, or watch the baby for a bit so you can rest?”
“Are you okay?” Sometimes, this simple question can open up a deeper conversation that someone would find helpful and supportive.

Remember mama, getting comfortable asking for and receiving help allows you to show up as your best self – more rested, energised, mentally and emotionally supported – for your little one.

So don’t be shy about rallying around your village! We’re all in this beautiful, messy parenting journey together.