What I might have previously called a sin, as a mother I call it a “coping mechanism.”
We’ve all heard of the seven deadly sins: Lust, gluttony, sloth, wrath, greed, envy and pride.
Now that you’re a parent, it’s time to revisit them – through the lens of motherhood.
Lust
Think lust and motherhood can’t be used in the same sentence? Think again! One only has to turn on Play School to be treated to the likes of Eddie Perfect. Or hit up some episodes of Bluey to spend some virtual time with our crush, Bandit (Don’t believe me? It’s a thing!)
Gluttony
That secret chocolate stash in the pantry that you open oh, so quietly because tiny ears have a built-in someone-somewhere-is-opening-a-chocolate-bar function. That wine (or two) at the end of a long day when the house is blissfully quiet. Spoonfuls of Nutella eaten straight from the jar. Some might say, “Gluttony”. I say, “Coping mechanism”.
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Sloth
Using the TV/iPad/iPhone as a (temporary) babysitter? Baked beans on toast for dinner … again? As a mum, it’s all about bending the rules or merely “giving in” for a moment’s peace. Sometimes, when parenting all seems a little too much (or you simply need to get something done), the “easy” option is the only option. It’s sloth or sanity? Mama, take your pick!
Wrath
Hell hath no fury like a mother given unsolicited parenting advice from a stranger, or getting sideways looks of pity, horror, and/ or amusement when their child throws a tantrum-of-the-year in the middle of a supermarket aisle, or [insert your own embarrassing or funny stories about motherhood here!]. Although, if you’re anything like me, you’ll freeze on the spot and replay the conversation in your mind with a witty and wrathful comeback later on. Which admittedly, is far less satisfying.
Greed
Can I just have a shower and/ or go to the bathroom without an audience? Sleep for four solid hours in a row? (How about three? Okay, two and half?) Drink a hot beverage without needing to microwave it? Oh, how motherhood makes you greedy for the simplest things.
Drinking a hot beverage without needing to microwave it (and other funny stories about motherhood)!
Envy
That fresh-faced mum in your mothers’ group whose baby emerged from the womb already sleeping through the night. The one who was back in her jeans a week after giving birth. The mum who makes birthday cakes that should grace the cover of Women’s Weekly. We all have our challenges, and we know that’s true of others too. But sometimes the grass just seems greener. Even if it’s not…
Pride
Who among us isn’t guilty of a bit of baby-spamming (especially when you the cutest kids to grace this planet!)? Or boasting about little Jimmy’s first steps as if they’re the first baby ever to take first steps? When you’ve made a perfect tiny human, posting and boasting is an involuntary reflex; a side-effect of motherhood, like stretch-marks and eye-bags. So go on, post and boast. With pride.
Tell me, do you have any funny stories about motherhood? Tell us in the comments below!
By Ariane Beeston
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